


One Bite

by Kr1411



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Anorexic!Barry, Barry has an eating disorder, Bulimic!Barry, Chapter 10 can be read as olivarry, Eating Disorder, Gen, Hurt Barry, Hurt!Barry, Police officers can be dicks sometimes, but it's not intended, maybe character death, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2018-11-20 00:26:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11324853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kr1411/pseuds/Kr1411
Summary: "Hey Allen, eat a few burgers for me while you're out!" One of the officers yelled out.What the hell. One lunch wouldn't kill him, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go, an Anorexic!Barry fic!
> 
> Honestly, there isn't enough five like this out there.
> 
> I am aware of how serious eating disorders are, so don't go commenting about "you suck you realize this is real right?" I know.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, an Anorexic!Barry fic!
> 
> Honestly, there isn't enough fics like this out there.
> 
> I am aware of how serious eating disorders are, so don't go commenting about "you suck you realize this is real right?" I know.

_"Holy shit, Barry. How many burgers is that?"_

_"Allen, I swear, if it's not crime scene evidence in your hand, it's a donut or something."_

_"Allen, how the hell are you still so thin? I swear, you eat like a pig!"_

Barry always got comments like this from the officers he worked with. They never bothered him.

Not until they got this bad. 

Asking him how he stays so thin? What the hell? Most of the time, that's alright, but following it with "you eat like a pig?" Not ok. 

Barry tried not to let it get to him. He told anyone who said anything that he goes to the gym regularly, that he's taken up running and needs the extra calories. 

The cops never paid attention to that, though. 

It was always, "Damn, Allen, eating for two?" "Allen, keep it up and you're going to be real overweight, kid," something like that.

Soon, Barry dreaded going to work. He dreaded people making fun of his eating habits, or his weight. 

He weighed as much as an average 6'2 adult with his build weighs, right? 190.2lbs last he checked.

Barry stopped eating around other officers soon. Hopefully, if he just ate in his lab, and not the break room or the main level, the cops would lay off on him.

The comments just kept on coming. 

Cops would waltz into his lab and notice burger wrappings, empty donut boxes, things like that. Before getting to the important stuff, they would never fail to mention their discoveries first.

Barry grew very self-conscious around the lab. He soon began to believe that he was eating too much, despite him knowing the reason he has to eat as much as he does. 

When he went to S.T.A.R. Labs from then on, he would grab extra protein bars and eat only those around the precinct. 

Soon, the comments became about those. 

_"That's all you eat Allen, I swear."_

_"Those things look nasty, how can you eat those as much as you do?"_

Barry wasn't about to admit those comments were getting to him. But they were. And things just spiraled down from there.

* * *

Barry was sitting in his lab, staring at the calorie bar. He didn't eat much today, albeit it was only 11:30. He did have three eggs and a pancake for breakfast, so he wasn't doing too bad. 

Barry was anxious that the second he opened the wrapper for the bar, some cop was going to walk in and make some comment about that, or even worse, his weight.

He had to eat as much as a swimmer has too, but he never heard anything about swimmers getting shit for their diet.

All of a sudden, Barry wasn't hungry anymore. He put the bar down and went back to his work. He'd eat it later, with his lunch. 

He did have to eat about five of the bars a day though. He glanced back at the bar. He then looked from the bar to the door. He got up and walked to the door, checking if any officers were outside. 

Nope, the halls were clear. He was free to eat.

Barry wasn't hungry anymore, though. The thought of eating actually wanted to make him gag.

_One bite, that's it. You'll be fine if you just have one bite. No one will notice._

Barry looked at the bar. One bite it is, then. He unwrapped the bar and took a bite of it.

It was tasteless.

Barry knew he had to eat all of it eventually, so he resorted to a bite every five minutes. That'll work, right?

And it was, until S.T.A.R. Labs called him for Flash duty, making him leave the bar forgotten on the desk, halfway eaten.

Barry never did eat the rest of the bar. When he got back, he was called for forensics at the very place he was just at as the Flash when he got back.

After gathering and testing the evidence, Barry took a lunch break. On his way out, a few cops asked him about how much he planned to eat during that. 

"Eat a few burgers for me, Allen," Officer Murphy said. Him and Barry hated each other, or, Murphy was jealous that Barry had a better job than he did at age 25. 

Still, the comment got to him.

What the hell, one lunch wasn't going to kill him. 

He ended up not doing anything over his lunch break. He did go home and looked in the mirror, pulling his shirt up. He wasn't getting bigger, so why did he feel like shit? His stomach growled, reminding him to _eat something._

Barry remembered he had half the bar left to eat, but he accidentally threw it away earlier after giving up on a lead.

Barry walked back into the lab feeling lightheaded. He walked over to the locker that had his duffel bag in it, and opened it. Practically ripping the duffel bag open, he fished past his flash suit and grabbed a protein bar. Normally, at this time of day, he would've eaten three already, and technically he hasn't even eaten one. 

He tore through the wrapper and took a bite of the bar. He took one, then another, then another, until he ate the whole bar.

He looked at the wrapper in disgust. 

_You eat like a pig._

Barry shook the inner thought away. He had to eat like that to survive, anyway. 

He had to constantly remind himself of that, though.

But it's ok, right? It wouldn't become a problem.

Right?

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like every time I start a new fic, I post two chapters in a day.
> 
> Oh well \\(^-^)/

That day, Barry only had about 3 of the 5 protein bars he was supposed to eat. He skipped lunch, but he couldn't afford to skip dinner.

Still, he was slightly uncomfortable at dinner. Seeing as he was more hungry than he usually was (skipping lunch and not eating enough), and Iris not knowing how much he had to eat, it was a trainwreck.

Joe made Chicken and Parmesan that night, and gave everyone regular servings (Barry's having a crushed protein bar mixed in it, that one being the third he had).

Barry looked at his plate. It didn't look like too much, plus he felt like he was starving. That being said, he started to dig in.

Once Barry finished, he looked at Joe and Iris' plates. 

They were only halfway done.

Barry suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt. 

_Pig._

Barry looked down at his empty plate. 

Iris noticed his plate too.

"Damn, Barr, you must've been hungry," she said jokingly.

"Yea..." Barry said, feeling unsure. 

"Do you want more, Barry?" Joe asked. Barry quickly shook his head.

"I'm good. I ate a lot today," Barry said. Yes, he was hungry, but he didn't want to come across as a pig to his family, too. So he opted to stay silent.

Joe gave him a pointed look, but decided Barry probably did eat a bit today. He has been taking advantage of his new metabolism, after all.

Dinner was pretty much over five minutes later. Barry got up, feeling a little less lightheaded than before, and helped clean the dishes. 

* * *

The next day wasn't any better. He had a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, as well as a donut (which he ate in disgust, remembering the comments he got when he had 3 boxes of them in his lab). He skipped lunch again. He ate normal dinner. He had four protein bars. Not too bad, all things considered.

Skipping lunch became regular for him. Soon, he adjusted to two meals a day, with 3-4 protein bars to go along with that. 

Hey, as long as he was eating the protein bars, right? 

Barry wanted to get on a scale, but he couldn't care less about his weight. It's been a week since he got into this routine, and he wanted to see how it affected him with his high metabolism.

Screw it.

He got the scale out anyway.

Barry stepped on and waited a few seconds. 

It read 184.6 

Holy. Shit.

He lost 6 freaking pounds in 7 days. That was not ok.

_Most people would be glad to have lose 6 pounds. Why freak out about it?_

He had a point. He remembers Iris' crazy diet in trying to lose weight when they were seventeen.

At least that phase of life was over.

Alright. Losing weight kept him in more shape than he was, right?

But he didn't need to lose weight.

He did more running in a week than a marathon runner did in a lifetime, he shouldn't be concerned about weight.

So he shook it off.

* * *

Barry felt extremely light-headed as he ran back to S.T.A.R. Labs after stopping a petty theft.

He didn't say anything, though.

"Barry, your glucose levels are extremely low, when did you last eat?" Caitlin asked when he got back.

Ignoring the chronic headache he had, he said, "Breakfast this morning. Three pancakes, a protein bar, and coffee."

Big lie.

Barry didn't mean to skip breakfast, he just... forgot. He woke up at the time he was supposed to be at work. He didn't even have his daily coffee.

Caitlin gave him a pointed look, but shook it off. "Must be a glitch in the system. I'll have Cisco look into it," she said with a sigh.

Barry nodded his head before leaving S.T.A.R. 

He was about to pass out.

Barry frantically dug through his pockets for a protein bar, and even though he didn't want to eat it, (he was about to run to the precinct), he knew he had to. 

Otherwise he wouldn't be able to focus on either of his jobs.

Barry are the bar in a hurry, even though his stomach protested against it. The bars were really starting to taste like shit nowadays.

He got to the precinct soon after finishing the bar. As long as no one caught him eating the bar, he'd be fine. 

As long as he _ate_ the bars in general, he'd be fine. 

After all, Breakfast and Lunch didn't matter, as long as he had them, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comment.  
> Please Comment.


	3. Chapter 3

Within the next week, Barry's metabolism deteriorated. He ate less and less without realizing it. 

Every time he would skip a meal, he would think, "just once won't hurt me, right?" 

But that just once turns into just twice, then three days of missing that meal, then five, and so on. 

Barry hasn't eaten lunch in two weeks, breakfast he eats on a good day. 

The only meal he regularly eats is dinner nowadays. 

Not that anyone notices, of courses. He always ate breakfast and lunch alone. 

The thing that was starting to get to him, though, was the fact that his ribs were starting to poke out, even if just a little bit. It still bothered him.

Now, with most people, it would take a lot longer for ribcages and the spine to stick out from lack of eating. Barry's metabolism ensured that it happened way faster than normal.

Barry started weighing himself regularly, although he had no idea why. He didn't give a damn about his weight, so why bother? 

His most recent weight is 176.8.

In a week, he went from about 184 to about 172. 

That's 12 freaking pounds.

In two weeks he lost 18. 

Fuck his fast metabolism.

Barry didn't want anyone to think he had an eating disorder.

He didn't have one, right?

The thing is, he's grown a dislike to eating. Food makes him gag, the thought of it makes him want to hurl.

Caitlin was starting to notice, too.

After having Cisco check out the system, she realized there was no glitch.

Barry wasn't eating.

He was probably just stressed over work, and the Flash buisness, but if he was, why would he lie?

* * *

 

"Barry, I'm going to ask you again, and you're going to be honest with me. When did you last eat?" Caitlin asked for the third time that day. She called Barry over to S.T.A.R. Labs for a few "tests", in other words, she was going to interrogate him on his food intake.

Barry sighed. "I don't want to talk about this, Cait."

Caitlin was starting to grow frustrated. "Barry, I understand you're not eating, but can you at least tell me why? You don't have to tell me the last time you ate, alright?" She asked, taking a new route.

Barry hesitated. He mumbled something, too quiet for Caitlin to hear. 

"What was that?"

"The people at the CCPD talk about me." Barry said, looking down.

Caitlin took a breath. That would do it. 

"What do they talk about?"

"My food intake."

"Barry, you could eat as much as you want, it wouldn't matter, as long as you know why. The cops don't know about why you eat as much as you do," Caitlin said, trying to be reassuring.

"I've told them, Caitlin. They just... don't care!" Barry said, on the verge of shouting. 

"Do you know how much you weigh?" Caitlin asked. Barry shook his head, even though he knew perfectly well how much we weighed. 171.3.

Caitlin took him to the scale to see for herself. 

"Barry, you were 190 when you woke up!" She exclaimed. 

Barry winced. "I know, and I've been working on it, and I've been eating more nowadays." Another lie. 

"Why won't you answer my earlier question, then?"

"I just ate a big breakfast this morning, alright? I'm ashamed," He lied. Barry was starting to get impressed about his lying skills. 

The last time he ate was two days ago. Barry slept through (or passed out on the couch, literally passed out. He stuck the landing, thankfully) dinner the previous night. He also forgot about his protein bars that day too.

"Well, we need to get your weight back up. I'm going to have you eat seven of the protein bars at least, instead of four or five." Barry opened his mouth to protest, but Caitlin wasn't done.

"Also, no flash business until you are at least up to 186. Barry, this is very serious, I don't think you realize that."

Barry's heart sunk. No flash must've been code for no running. He needed to run, people could get hurt without the flash. 

And he told Caitlin just that.

"No, Barry, I'm sorry but I care more about you, and your health, more than others right now. If there's a metahuman problem, we'll figure it out another way," she said, voice stubborn.

"Fine," Barry agreed. "But on one condition," He said. Caitlin raised her eyebrows, as in saying, "go ahead."

"Don't tell Joe or Iris unless it gets much worse, like early 150's or something," Barry pleaded. 

Caitlin opened her mouth to say something, but closed it, as if rethinking her thought.

"Fine. But, I want you to start writing down everything you eat in a day, and give the list to me at the end of the day. Ok?" She asked.

_That'll just make everything worse._

"Ok." 

Barry was just lying about that, but she didn't have to know. 

And what she didn't know, wouldn't kill her.

But it might just kill him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only time you'll catch me writing fuck. I cuss, but not that strongly.
> 
> Also, I'm considering writing an alternate ending to Legs. Thoughts?
> 
> Another thing, I dont know if you guys see it, but if you do, ignore the end note from the first chapter that likes to make an appearance under the end notes for the other chapters. Thank you :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try to write as much as I can today, cause I won't be able to write this week, alright? I'll update those during the week.

Barry's recent weight loss was starting to become noticable to the CCPD.

His face was slowly becoming more and more gaunt, and he was starting to look like he hasn't slept in days.

Not only that, but it also looked like he was starting to wear more layers.

It was weird, because a month ago he looked normal, masculine even. Now, he just looked like he went through hell. 

And it made everyone worry about the "little brother" of the CCPD.

Especially the Captain.

David was well aware of people mocking Barry for his eating habits, and he tried to stop them, even threatened to fire them, but they never stopped.

That was a little over a month ago.

That was before Barry started lacking in work. 

Before Barry wore three or four layers instead of one or two.

He had his suspicions of what's going on, but he'd wait until he had no cases to work on to talk to the kid.

* * *

 

It was about 24 hours since Barry saw Caitlin. 24 hours since she told him to write what he's eaten.

And in that 24 hours, he's barely eaten.

Barry looked at the index card in his hand.

It said one thing:

**Two protein bars**

No, that wouldn't suffice. Caitlin would physically inject food in him.

Barry erased what he wrote. He had to write something believable, but at the same time he had to make it look like he ate.

No problem at all.

So he wrote down his full three meals:

**Breakfast - A pancake and two eggs, Coffee**

**Protein Bar**

**Lunch - Protein Bar, Small sandwich**

**2 Protein bars**

**Dinner -**

 

Here, Barry decided to wait. He hasn't had dinner yet, and he didn't have to see Caitlin until tomorrow morning.

But then he started stessing on whether he wrote down enough protein bars.

He read over the list again. He wrote down four. He was supposed to have seven, right? So he'll just "have" one at dinner, and two after.

Yea. That'll work. She'll never know.

Barry put the card down, and started shivering. This was nothing new. He was almost always cold nowadays.

He walked over to his locker and grabbed the sweatshirt he started keeping in his locker.

Putting it on, he couldn't help but wonder if it was because of lack of food intake that he was always cold.

No, that couldn't be it, he still ate. Barely, but it still counted toward something. He ate more than people with eating disorders generally did, right?

Not to mention how freaking tired he was. Like, holy shit, he's about as tired as the average teenager.

He hasn't been sleeping well, mainly because of his stomach protesting to him, telling him to _get some goddamn food in him_.

Which was exactly what it was doing now.

But he couldn't eat. 

People would judge him, talk about him, stare at him, and he couldn't take that.

So no. Food could wait.

Barry looked over at the protein bar. He's only taken one bite out of it before putting it down. 

That would be his third one if he finished it.

But he _really_ didn't want to.

So he didn't.

* * *

Getting home, there was one thought that hasn't left Barry's mind since he put the coat on.

_What does my body look like now?_

So that's why the first thing Barry did when he got home was look at himself in the mirror. 

He didn't look too bad. Sure, his spine showed a little bit, and his ribs poked out of his skin, but they weren't too visible. Plus, he still could pinch the fat on his stomach, so not too much damage was done.

There was a knock on the door.

Throwing on a T-Shirt, Barry went to see who it was.

It was Iris.

_Play it cool, Barry_

He opened the door to greet her, but she just walked in like she owned the place. 

"Hey Iris..." He said, ignoring the fact that she didn't acknowledge him when she walked in. Hell, she didn't even _look_ at him!

"Hey Barry," Iris said, not looking his way. She just looked around as if she was looking for something.

"Need anything...?" He asked.

"Just looking for something. I want to make a dinner, just the two of us," she said. 

Barry grimaced, thankful that she wasn't looking his way. Iris always made the most food when she cooked. They had leftovers for _days_.

"Thanks, Iris, but I think I'll pass. I'll eat later," he said.

Iris wasn't taking it. She walked over to Barry.

"Barry, you look like hell, and that you need a good meal. One of which, I'll provide," Iris said, turning back to the kitchen.

"Iris, seriously, I'm fine," Barry pleaded. 

Iris looked back to Barry. 

"Oh really? Then tell me, why are you so adamant against eating with me, Bar?" She asked, voice laced with concern. 

"I'm just... not hungry, that's all," Barry said, shrugging. Iris squinted at him.

"Barry, can you take off your shirt?"

Oh my god. Barry turned the color of a freaking tomato. 

"Iris, I don't think Eddie-"

"Barry, you think I haven't noticed how much thinner you've gotten? How you suddenly have a dislike for food? Barry, I'm a journalist. I observe. And I observe that you're actually really hungry, but don't want to eat. Now I'm going to ask one more time, Barry Allen, take. off. your. shirt."

Barry couldn't hide anything from Iris West. He keeps forgetting that.

He's in for a ride when he tells her about his powers.

Barry sighed. He hesitated, and Iris gave him a pointed look. Then he took it off.

Iris gasped.

The sight before Iris was... it was unreal.

Barrys ribs were sticking out like nobody's buisness. His shoulders suck out, and, how she didn't notice this was beyond her, his elbows did too. 

Not to mention the lack of fat on his body.

"Barry, can you turn around?" She asked with a shaky voice. Barry did. 

His spine was sticking out as far as his ribs were. She could see every detail of it. 

Iris walked up to Barry and hugged him from behind, digging her face into his back. Barry turned around, letting her hug his front. Returning the hug, he heard Iris start crying into his chest. 

And they just stood there, for what seemed like eternity, and Barry let Iris cry into him.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much just dinner with Barry and Iris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I should really update something.  
> Me: I want to write a sad one shot (Barry centric ofc)  
> Me: I should probably start working on fics I haven't updated since I created them.  
> Also me: 100% unmotivated. 
> 
> Guys seriously prompt me something. Anything. Preferably sad, but I can try fluff as well. Like fr I need to write something hurt!barry related but I'm really unmotivated.

"So how long has this been going on? Three or four months?" Iris asked.

At this point, her and Barry were on the couch, food left on the counter, completely forgotten for the time being. Iris was launching questions at a rapid fire.

"Four weeks," Barry said.

"At least I'm not _that_ bad of a friend," Iris mumbled.

"Hey," Barry told her, "You're the perfect friend. I wouldn't ask for anyone else as a best friend," Barry reassured her. He took a deep breath. 

"Next question."

So for the next Twenty minutes, it was question after question. Barry even told her about his metabolism, without telling her about his powers. 

Eventually Iris brought up his... Anorexia. Completely dodging the word, of course.

Almost.

Barry would argue that he doesn't care about losing weight. That was what anorexia was anyway, right?

Iris had this talent where if she tried hard enough, she could read Barry better than he could himself. 

"When was the last time you got on a scale, Barry?" 

"This morning."

"And what did you weigh?" 

"165.9"

Iris leaned back, as if to prove a point. Not after mumbling, "holy shit," of course.

"Iris, I'm _not_ anorexic!"

Iris hummed in amusement. She then whipped out her phone to look up the word.

"What are you doing?" Barry asked, already knowing what she was doing.

Iris said nothing.

A minute later, she cleared her throat. "Anorexia: a lack or loss of appetite for food, or,   
an emotional disorder characterized by an obsessive desire to lose weight by refusing to eat," she said, putting her phone down. "Straight out of the dictionary. Barry, even if you don't care about weight, you would have it for your lack of eating," Iris finished.

Barry still didn't believe it, but he didn't say anything. Really, he had no valid arguments. He just didn't want to make it seem _real_ , by thinking it.

Iris got up. "Now, I'm going to make us a meal, and I want you to at least eat half of it. All wouldn't hurt my feelings, though," she said, starting to walk over to the kitchen. 

"Iris, really, I'm not hungry. I'm fine, really," he pleaded. I don't even need to tell you how big of a lie that was. He was starving. Hell, he felt like he could eat anything in sight.

Which is why right after saying that, he went to the fridge to get something. 

Seeing as there was nothing that looked pleasing enough in the fridge, Barry went up to the freezer. There, he found some ice cream from his last gathering.

Halfway through finishing it off, he caught Iris staring at him.

"What?" Barry asked, mouth full of ice cream.

_"Iris, really, I'm not hungry,"_ she mocked. Barry finished what was in his mouth and mumbled, "shut up," before he went back to eating. 

"Barry, seeing how you've nearly ate all of that, it just proves the... _eating disorder_ ," Iris stated. Barry raised an eyebrow.

"Your body is so hungry, that it just can't take not eating anymore. Your stomach took over your brain so all you can think about is food. That's why you ran to that ice cream, even though you just told me you weren't hungry. You're binging," she explained. 

Barry put the now-empty container on the counter. "Huh," he said. "You almost done?" He asked, desperately.

"Not even close Barry. Chill out," Iris laughed.

So the next 30 minutes went like this:

Barry eating something from the fridge. 

Barry asking Iris if she was almost done.

Barry eating something else.

Iris, clearly amused, telling him that no, she's still not done.

When she was finally finished (Wheat Bread and rice, a lot of it, with egg in it. She wanted to get a shit ton of protein in him, and she'd do it in any way possible), Barry couldn't be happier.

Until he saw how much was on his plate. 

"I'm not hungry anymore," he told her. 

"Eat," Iris said, trying to be forceful. 

Barry shook his head. 

 "Barry, you were literally just eating your entire fridge, and with this _"super metabolism"_ you said you have, you should still be hungry," she said.

Barry just shook his head again.

Iris sighed, and put her fork down. 

"Fine. Then I won't eat either," she said.

"What?" Barry asked.

"You heard me," she told him.

"Iris, you have to eat!" He exclaimed.

"Yea, so do you," Iris retorted.

"But you eat regularly. My eating habits don't exist anymore."

"Then make sure I eat this meal, by eating it yourself," Iris said. 

Barry hesitated.

"Just one bite, Bar."

Barry reluctantly picked the fork up and took a bite of rice. Iris did the same.

They got through the rice, but Barry refused to eat the bread.

And Iris was ok with that. 

Ok, maybe not _ok_ , but still, she was pleased with how much Barry ate.

"Thanks... Iris," Barry said. 

"Barry, I'll do anything to help you get better. I'd even starve myself with you. One way or another, we're in this together now," she said.

"Just don't starve yourself, alright?" Barry giggled. He then got a sober look on his face.

"And don't tell Joe."

Iris shook her head. "He'll find out eventually."

"Iris, please."

"Ok, not until you're under 150, alright?"

Barry was satisfied with that. 

"Alright."

"Good job, Barry," Iris smiled one last time, before leaving him alone in his apartment.

Barry sighed. What had he gotten himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Independence Day! Or, lets go to the more important thing, HAPPY FLASH-SEASON-FOUR-STARTS-FILMING DAY YALL
> 
> Also, estimated chapter count: 10


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got some time and will to write, so I'm updating sooner than expected.  
> My relative has probably a day left to live, but has been holding on longer than expected, so it'll probably be a while til the next update.  
> Thank you all so much for being patient with me, and for commenting. The comments really made my day.  
> Anyway, story time. Here ya go.  
> (Minor OC that you'll never see again. I hate OC's)

That night, Barry got little to no sleep, due to hunger pains, and the guilt and regret building up from eating as much as he did. 

He had slept under three more blankets than usual, with a sweatshirt and sweatpants. 

He was still freezing.

Barry knew it was from lack of sleep, but he didn't have a fan, and the AC was all the way up. His constant coldness was starting to get aggravating.

Not even Leonard Snart would find how cold he was comfortable.

So, he spent half the night tossing and turning, before eventually giving up on the idea of sleep and getting out of bed to go for a walk. 

It wasn't like he ever slept anyway.

Nothing was open at two in the morning, but it didn't stop him from looking around.

He could be going _so_ much faster, but Caitlin wasn't allowing him to use his speed yet.

But what she didn't know wouldn't kill her, right?

Looking around, Barry saw there was no one nearby (duh) and sped to the nearest IHOP. He and Iris used to sneak there at midnight at least once a week in high school, seeing as they're open 24 hours.

Barry slowed down, and walked inside. The place was empty, despite a few college kids here and there. 

There was a sign that said sit anywhere, so he just sat in a corner booth. 

He didn't really want any food, just a coffee, but when a waitress came over and placed two buttermilk pancakes infront of him, he was kind of taken aback. 

"Sorry, I know that you haven't ordered anything, but you look like you need some food," the waitress said, sincerely. 

"Thanks," Barry mumbled. 

"Long night?" She asked. Barry nodded his head. 

"I get that, I hardly sleep anymore," the waitress said. Barry looked at her tag. 

 _Vanessa_ , it read.

She sat down across Barry. 

"You're the only person in my area, so I don't have to worry about getting fired," she joked. Barry let out a light laugh, to ease the tension he felt.

"Oh, speaking of my job, I need to take you're _real_ order, otherwise I _will_ get fired," Vanessa suddenly said. 

"Just a coffee," Barry quietly said. 

About five minutes later, Vanessa was back with his coffee, and noticed Barry hasn't touched his pancakes.

"Are you gluten free? I'm so sorry, I should've asked before-"

"No, no, you're fine," Barry assured her.

She let out a breath.

"Ok," she whispered. Barry took a drink of the coffee she finally set down. 

Vanessa awkwardly sat down, looking at Barry. 

"So what's up? What was so bad that you couldn't sleep?" She asked. The way it sounded, she really didn't want to be there.

"It's... kind of personal," Barry said. He looked back down at the pancakes. 

 "I have a sister," Vanessa started, "her name is Marley. She... she has an eating disorder, Bulimia, and it's... it's just awful. She always runs to the bathroom after every meal, and, i don't know if she realizes I can hear her, but she always purges. It hurts every time she does. She's just now getting help," she said. 

Barry felt a hint of remorse. "I'm sorry about her," he said. 

"Thanks. But I'm not telling this to get your sympathy. I'm telling you this because it made me careful on making sure to have people eat, and keep an extra eye on them. Now, I'm not implying that you're just like her, but I am saying that you look like you really need some food in you," she said, gesturing to the pancakes. 

To ease the waitress, Barry reluctantly picked up the fork and took a bite out of a pancake. He saw her smiling out of the corner of his eye. 

About three bites later, Barry looked back up to her. "Does it look that obvious?" He asked. Vanessa frowned in confusion, before realising what he meant. She then bit her lip, as if pondering something. 

"I think, it could be worse. Yes, your cheek bones pop out a little bit, and you look like you haven't slept in a while. But, nothing too bad. I've just... with my sister in therapy, I've done my research on eating disorders," she said, as she was getting up. Barry took another bite of the pancakes before putting his fork down. 

"You done?" Vanessa asked, nodding to the pancakes. Barry nodded his head before getting out his wallet. 

"How much for the pancakes?" He asked. 

"They're on the house. So is the coffee," she smiled as she took his plate and his empty cup. 

As she walked away, Barry looked at the table. Was it really that obvious? 

* * *

About 6 hours of walking (and a littleness bit of running) later, it was time to get ready for work. 

Barry, he was completely worn, not having slept for a good while. So, naturally, he was considering taking a sick day.  

The downfall of that was the amount of work he was behind of, due to impromptu naps he took during work without realizing it. 

Therefore, he walked into work, very sluggishly, yet somehow on time. 

He tried to sneak upstairs without anyone noticing how tiredly he was moving, but then he heard the familiar shout of his name.

_"Allen!"_

Barry groaned. What did Singh want? He was here _on time_ , for gods sake! 

Barry made a U-turn on the stair he was on, and walked back down to the captain's office.

He knocked on the door, only to hear a monotone, "come in," from the captain. 

Opening the door, Barry expected a stern look on Singh's face, a recent file on his desk, or a cop with a complaint in a chair.

He wasn't expecting the captain wearing a concerned face.

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Barry, take a seat."

Did Singh just call him Barry?

This was not good. 

"What's this about? Am I in trouble, sir?" He asked, voice laced with worry.

"Barry, some cops have noticed some... changes, with you. They come to me, to make sure I'm not overworking you. They care about you, you know. But nothing they say compares to what I notice.

"Barry, I heard people talk about your eating habits, and I wanted so badly to fire them on the spot. I have even talked to a few of them, threatened them even. But, since then, I noticed your eating habits have changed. I just want to ask, are, you ok?" David asked. 

Barry's eyes widened. Singh... 

Singh cared about him?

"Y-yes sir, I'm fine," Barry managed to get out. Singh nodded, unconvinced. 

"Barry, I just want you to know, if you need a break, or need to talk about something, I'll be here to talk. When I signed on, I took an oath to never tell anything one officer, or CSI, in your case, to another officer. Including family," he said. Barry eased up knowing that. 

"That's all," Singh dismissed.

Barry got up, before Singh added, "Just remember, I'll be here if you need to talk."

Barry looked at Singh and faked a smile. "Thanks, Captain," he said, before walking out.

After the door shut, Joe walked up to Barry. "What was that about?"

Barry looked back at Singh's office. "Just a reminder for a late file," he said, before walking up to his lab. 

Joe watched as Barry walked away. Something was off, and he was going to figure out what. But for now, he just shrugged it off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I should reference something.  
> Me: *Tries A Mothers Nightmare and Glee at the same time*  
> Me: Holy shit I suck at this.
> 
> Again, I can't stand OC's. Vanessa will never be seen again, nor will Marley be seen ever.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to settle down, finally, and my relative miraculously was acting surprisingly normal today. So life's giving me a break. 
> 
> I'm going to try to update a little more, so... yea.

That day went by relatively slow. Barry was way behind on work at this point, but not progressing at all.

All day, he has been lightheaded, with a slight headache, but it didn't feel too serious, so he didn't do anything about it. 

Seeing as he ate about ten times more than he usually did in the last 24 hours, Barry naturally assumed that it wasn't due to lack of food intake. 

Just then, when his headache was starting to go away, one of the officers decided to walk in and ask about the Ortiz case, which Barry was only about halfway done with.

"Allen, are you almost done with thre Ortiz case? Seriously, Allen, it's due in twenty-four hours," he said. 

For some reason, this made Barry pissed off. 

"It'll be done, when I get it done," Barry said, hiding the anger in his voice.

"Well it better be done soon," the officer said. 

_"Well I'm not gonna get it done with you standing there, evoking  me about it!"_ Barry retorted, this time fully lashing out on the man. 

The officer rolled his eyes and walked out, mumbling something about "no respect" or something like that. 

Barry let out a heavy sigh, as his headache came back, worse than before. 

He did have to get the Ortiz case done, but he also wanted to go home. He needed some time off, and he wasn't going to get anything done when he couldn't even see straight.

Unless...

Within three seconds, Barry had the case done, even though he was immediately regretting using his speed. 

He hasn't used it since Caitlin told him not to. Not because she told him not to, but because every time he did, he felt like he was going to pass out right after. 

Which was why he passed the Ortiz case to the nearest officer before stumbling out of the precinct. 

Not having a car was hard with the whole needing to get home _right that second_ situation, so he did something he knew he would regret the second he got home.

He ran. 

And when he got home, he figured someone would be stopping by.

So, before slowing down, he shakily locked the door to his apartment. 

Once he stopped using the little speed force he had left, he tried getting to the couch. 

Really, he tried.

About six steps from the door, a wave of dizziness took over his vision. He felt the world suddenly turning, and he suddenly felt like he couldn't walk anymore. 

Next thing he knew, everything was black, and the last thing he remembered was a strong pain in his head. 

* * *

Iris was starting to get frustrated. 

First of all, there were no new sightings of the Flash, which let to a lot of commotion on her blog, and people asking her questions on where he was. 

As if she knew. 

But she didn't. 

And she didn't know what to tell these people. 

The people that were starting to lose faith in their new hero.

Iris knew she had to vent, before she accidentally murdered someone. So she called the only person who would listen. 

But he didn't answer. 

"Goddammit, Barry, you better answer," Iris mumbled as she called him again. 

She figured that since now she knew his "secret", he was going to start shutting her out.

And Iris Ann West did _not_ do well with being shut out.

After about ten more minutes of trying, Iris gave up and decided to go to his house herself. 

About fifteen minutes later, she pulled up to the apartment complex Barry lived in, and started to plan what she was going to say.

Something that would make sure she knew he wouldn't ignore her calls ever again.

She walked down to his apartment, apartment 5C, and knocked on the door. 

No answer.

She jiggled the doorknob, to discover it was locked. 

She knocked again. 

"Barry?" She shouted. 

No reply.

Iris was really starting to get concerned now. 

She started to yank on the doorknob, push into the door, desperate to get the door open. 

What if something happened? What if he needed a hospital or something? And she couldn't be there for him?

It was then she remembered where Barry hid his spare key. 

On top of the _freaking_ door frame, where only he could reach. 

_Alright, Iris, think. How can you get the key down?_

Iris looked around. There was nothing for her to stand on, but there were sticks long enough for her to reach up and knock it off.

So she did just that. 

Unlocking the door, Iris practically ran in, shouting Barry's name. 

It was when she almost tripped over him when she realized where he was.

On the floor, with blood from his head in a puddle on the floor, with some splattered on the corner of the glass table in front of his couch.

It took Iris a few seconds to register what she was seeing, before freaking out. 

_"Barry!"_

* * *

Caitlin was trying to figure out a new recipe for the protein bars, one to help Barry get some more protein and calories in him. But, it was hard, seeing as she didn't have Cisco helping her.

It wasn't that Cisco didn't want to, it was that Caitlin was a women of her word, and asking for help could possibly result in Cisco knowing Barry's secret. 

Caitlin knew she should tell everyone, but it wasn't hers to tell, so she was doing what she could. 

She almost had the recipe figured out, when she got a call from Iris. 

She didn't get too many calls from Iris, so it must be important. 

Picking up the phone, she answered it to hear Iris panicking on the other side.

_"C-Caitlin? Caitlin it's Iris... I..."_

"Hey, Iris, what's wrong?" Caitlin asked, voice full of concern.

_"It's... it's Barry... H-He has an eating disorder, and... I... I went to his house and... and he was on the ground and... and his head was bleeding and I didn't know who to call because dad doesn't know but he seems to trust you and... Caitlin, I'm freaking out."_

Iris seemed genuinely scared. 

And now, so was Caitlin. 

"Iris, can you get him over to STAR Labs, or should I take a van?" She asked, calmly. Freaking out on the phone with Iris would result in more panic from Iris, which wouldn't help. 

_"C-Can you bring the van over? I can't pick him up,"_ Iris said, tears not as heavy anymore.

"Ok, but, in the meantime, I need you to put pressure on the head wound. He's probably lost a lot of blood, and without the proper nutrients in his body, it probably won't be able to recreate the blood for him. We can't afford for him to lose anymore blood, ok?" Caitlin instructed. 

_"Ok,"_ Iris replied, taking a deep breath.

The phone was silent as Caitlin drove to Barry's apartment. 

Once she got there, everything seemed to go in slow motion.

From the ride to STAR Labs, to Cisco looking at them with confusion and concern on why Barry was on a gurney, with a bandaged head, and why he looked like an actual stick, to Caitlin talking about blood transfusions and feeding tubes.

It was just too much.

Lucky for them, Barry'a blood type was AB+, and Iris's was A-, so the blood transfusion part wasn't as hard as it could've been.

The feeding tube, not so much. 

"Ok, now we have to insert a nasogastric feeding tube, as quick as we can. I'm going to reach my fingers in his mouth and try to open his pharynx," Caitlin started, then looked to Cisco, who was now in the room with them, "And I'm going to flex his neck so he doesn't choke. You are going to manipulate the mandible and the larynx, so he can still breath." 

At Cisco's confused expression, Caitlin sighed and simplified what she just said.

"You are going to hold his jaw open and make sure he can still breath while I put in a feeding tube," she said quickly. 

Caitlin quickly finished explaining what Cisco and Iris had to do and started to put the feeding tube in.

Nothing was worse than putting a feeding tube in an unconscious patient. 

But, they quickly got the job done. 

Soon enough, all the hard stuff was over with, and all that was left was properly stitching the head wound. 

Iris watched as Caitlin tended to her best friend. 

The sight of Barry on that bed, it was... awful. 

He looked so frail and weak, so... vulnerable. 

She hated this.

And she only hoped he would get better.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so caught up in writing, that I almost killed Barry (again).
> 
> Oops.
> 
> I have very little medical knowledge on anything hospital related. Just disorders and diseases. I spent at least three hours doing research on different websites (I don't trust WebMD too much tbh) on how to insert a feeding tube into an unconscious patient. Don't judge please.
> 
> Anyway, I want to ask you guys to please comment some Hurt!Barry prompts. I want to start another fic that invokes Barry (almost) dying. I can't think of anything though.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I'm so sorry for lack of update >~<
> 
> Ok so I've had like three drafts for this chapter and decided I didn't like it and deleted them and all that, so yea. I actually updated.

Once Caitlin finished injecting food into Barry, Iris realized she probably should call Joe.

Her and Joe had this code where unless it was a major emergency, one cannot call the other during work.

Well, this was a pretty major emergency. Barry's only been out for about three hours, not counting before she found him.

Dialling her Dad's number, Iris looked longingly at Barry. 

Had he really starved himself to this point? Has he passed out before? How much did he even weigh at this point?

Iris was so lost in her questions that she didn't even hear her Dad answer the phone. 

_"Hello? Iris?"_

Iris snapped out of her thoughts when she heard her name. 

"Hey Dad..." she said, dreading their upcoming conversation.

Which is why she decided to put it off. 

"Can... Dad, you need to get to STAR Labs..." she said. 

_"Why?"_ He asked, not that he didn't want to go. In fact, he was on his way out the door.

"It's about Barry... I think it's best we explain in person," Iris finished before hanging up.

Joe looked at his phone in confusion and concern after she hung up. She didn't sound urgent, but she did sound like she was hiding some sort of fear.

Soon enough, Joe arrived at STAR Labs, and desperately wanting to know what was going on.

He walked into the cortex to discover an unconsious Barry with a feeding tube in his nose, and a very concerned Caitlin, Cisco, and Iris watching him. No one knew he arrived until he said something.

"Would someone like to tell me what the hell is going on?" He demanded, causing the three heads to turn his way. 

"Hey... Joe," Caitlin said.

"Don't make me ask again. What. Happened. To my. Son." He demanded.

"Dad, let me explain," Iris said, taking his hand and guiding him to the hallway. She figured he would want to be alone for this.

She took a deep breath.

_Here we go_ , she thought

"Dad... Barry's anorexic." Straight and simple. Just like she would prefer to be told.

She could see the life being sucked out of her dad. 

"No." He denied. 

"Dad-"

"How long?" He asked.

"What do you-"

"How long have you known? Baby, how long has he been doing this to yourself?" Joe pleaded. Iris's heart broke at this.

"I've... Honestly, two days," she said. 

"Do... you know how long he's been doing... this, to himself?" Joe asked shakily. 

"About a month," Iris said quietly, "and he didn't tell anyone, not even me. I figured it out on my own."

Joe leaned up against the wall. This was a lot for him to take in. His son was killing himself, and he had no one to help him. 

And with his increased metabolism, he could die soon without any kind of help.

* * *

Barry woke up six hours later to an itch in his throat. He tried to talk, but he ended up coughing instead. He also felt a clog in his left nostril. Reaching up to touch the clog, he instantly realized what it was. 

A feeding tube.

No, no, _no_. 

He felt like he was going to puke. 

He needed to get this thing out now. 

Yanking on it must've drawn some attention to him, because next thing he knew he had Caitlin, Iris, and Joe at his side.

Wait.

Joe.

That was when Barry realized where he was.

STAR Labs.  

Meaning something happened, and now everyone knew about his... 

problem.

He had to get out of there. 

Now.

Barry started thrashing around, tugging at his feeding tube, wanting, _needing_ , to get out of there.

Caitlin and Joe hurriedly went to hold him down.

"Barry, _stop!_ " Caitlin shouted. 

Barry did stop, after a minute, and that was when everyone noticed the tears streaming down his face.

"Please... get this out of me..." Barry whispered. 

Joe looked at Caitlin and Iris. 

"Can I have a minute with Barry?" He asked.

The girls both nodded their heads and left the room.

Joe looked back to Barry, who looked like he was having a very depressing staring contest with the ceiling.

"Why, Barr?" Joe asked.

Barry didn't say anything, but another tear went down his face. 

He had disappointed Joe.

"I... I knew something was wrong, and I feel so stupid for not asking sooner and..." Joe broke down right there. His loud sobs echoed through the cortex. 

Barry looked at him.

"I'm sorry, Joe. I'm sorry about everything, I'm sorry for disappointing you," Barry said in a raspy voice. Joe just hugged him in response. 

"I'm so sorry Joe," Barry whispered in his ears. Joe couldn't  find the proper words to tell him.

So he went with this. 

Taking Barry by the shoulders, he looked the skinny (why didn't he notice his gaunt face?) young man and looked him in the eye.

"Barry, what's past is past. You need to accept the future. And in that future, we will be helping you all we can. You will get better. But we can't force you to accept our help, that's all on you. But, with the cases I've seen on anorexics, it gets pretty nasty, and I would hate for you to be one of the cases. Now, like I said, Me, Iris, Caitlin and Cisco, we all want to help you, but we can't if you don't accept our help. Do you want us to help you?" Joe asked. 

Barry nodded his head and gave a shaky "yes", but in his heart, he was perfectly fine. He didn't need help, but he couldn't break Joe's heart even more. 

He had to come up with a different approach to this whole "food situation", and it would not be pretty.

But it will only be until they get off his back.

* * *

Caitlin agreed to take the feeding tube out as long as Barry agreed to move in (temporarily) with Joe. Only Joe had to be with every meal Barry was at, so he could make sure Barry was "getting better", and not lying about it.

But all this did was make Barry uncomfortable.

That first dinner was the worst. 

Iris made it, and she gave him the biggest plate, no questions asked. 

"Barry, I just want you to eat half of that. Just a start, alright?" Iris said, noticing the disgust on his face.

"Iris..." Barry started but was interuppted by Joe.

"Barry. Eat." He demanded.

Joe was aware that he was being a little harsh on Barry, but the truth was, he was scared. 

He didn't know how to dealing with knowing his child, the one with a _super metabolism_ , doesn't eat. It was hard for him.

Barry ate about half of his meal that night. Iris and Joe were proud, and they went to go clean up the plates, claiming Barry had a "long day". 

While they were doing that, Barry sped upstairs to the bathroom, disgusted by the amount of food he ate. 

Kneeling above the toilet, Barry thought about what he was about to do.

He said he would never forcefully make himself puke, but he was desperate to get this food out of him, and now.

So, he leaned over the toilet, stuck his fingers down his throat, and for the first time, he did what he swore he'd never do.

He purged.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is trash, but I'm not going to have Barry get better quite yet ;)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goal: Surpass the word count in Legs. IM SO CLOSE

"No."

"C'mon, Joe, I won't-"

"No."

Barry hasn't gone to work since Iris found him passed out in his apartment five days ago, and he was really beginning to think Captain Singh was going to fire him at his point.

Since moving in with Joe, Barry has gone back to the dreadful three meals a day routine, just to please the two West's, who tend to stalk what he eats. Right after, when he knows they aren't looking, he speed up to the bathroom and throws his meal back up, without flushing it down for the moment, and speeds back down before anyone notices. Later, he comes up with some excuse on having to go to the bathroom so he can flush the bile down the toilet.

It's been working pretty well, all things considered.

The only problem was Barry had no access to a scale, seeing as Iris threw the one they had away should Barry want to weigh himself. So, unless he wanted to use the one at STAR Labs, and he was not that stupid, he couldn't really do anything.

He could easily go back to his apartment, but Joe and Iris never would leave him alone. Someone was always behind him.

What made it worse was if he wanted to do something he wasn't supposed to when Iris was around, he could risk her finding out he's the flash.

Speaking of the flash, criminals have started to notice the lack of superhero in Central City, and have started to take advantage of it.

Crime rates have gone up ten percent since the flash went MIA, making every cop and CSI's job much harder.

Which was exactly why Barry had to go into work.

"Joe, you've seen me eat three times a day, and I haven't passed out since I moved in. I've been doing a lot better! I think I'm liable to go to work," Barry shouted, frustrated.

"But what happened if you do pass out? Or, if you have a seizure? Barry, anything could happen, and I don't really feel like hurting a child more than he hurts himself," Joe retorted.

Barry scoffed. "Fine. One more day. Then I definitely go back tomorrow, no questions asked."

Joe was not pleased at that. "No. I tell you when to go back to work."

"Joe, I'm not your little kid anymore. I legally can go into work whether you want me to or not, and you can't stop me. I'll wait one more day, but I'm going in tomorrow," Barry shouted before storming off.

Joe sighed. It was really hard, trying to take care of Barry.

In the time of his eating disorder, his hair has gotten thinner, as well as his appearance. Hell, the other day he and Iris went out shopping, and he was four sizes less than when he was healthy.

Not to mention how he looked without a shirt on. A few days ago, Joe accidentally walked in on Barry changing his shirt (his locks been busted for years), and his torso was...

It was awful.

His ribcage looked like it was a foot in front of his stomach, which was so sucked in, Joe thought he could see Barry's organs.

He took it all in before Barry realized Joe was there and threw the shirt he was just wearing at him, as if to tell him to go away.

Iris noticed his hands were literally bones with a thin layer of skin covering them. Whenever she tried to told them, they felt like icicles. Literally. His fingers were sharp and cold, just like icicles.

It was terrifying for everyone but Barry.

Barry felt relieved that he found a way to keep the food he eats out of him. Honestly, the thought of food makes him sick, but with Iris and Joe watching him like a hawk, he was forced to eat whatever was put in front of him.

Obviously, he didn't eat it all, he just took like two or three bites and played around with the food, and hiding it under a napkin while Joe and Iris weren't looking for the rest of dinner.

At this point, it's been a week since Barry last weighed in, and he was honestly desperate to know how much he weighed.

Joe went off to work, and, about five minutes later, Barry somehow managed to convince Iris to leave him alone, to catch a break.

Once he was alone, Barry sped off to his apartment to weigh himself.

Luckily for him, right before he ran over, he was smart enough to eat something before hand. He didn't want to pass out and have people discover he wasn't in fact getting better.

Looking around his apartment, Barry sighed. He missed it here.

Hopefully, soon, he'd be able to move back in.

Walking over to his bathroom, Barry went over and pulled out his scale.

Here we go, he thought as he stepped on.

147.1

Holy.

Shit.

That's 19 pounds less than what he weighed a week and a half ago!

How the fuck is that possible?

Yes, he had his high metabolism, and a new diet, but still! It should've been ten pounds at most!

Barry took a deep breath.

Ok, it's less than you like, but maybe that's not a bad thing? Barry thought to himself, trying to see a bright side to his current weight. But he couldn't find a bright side.

And yet, he still didn't feel bad about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the somewhat short chapter. 
> 
> No gurentees on if Barry survives or not btw.
> 
> I'll leave you with that :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver comes to town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And up next on Bringing Oliver into my stories, we have watching the huge Olivarrt shipper attempt to not make the chapter Olivarry (it can be seen either way)
> 
> I start school today, Meaning updates will be more sporadic than I already made them

By now, everyone knew about the Flash’s sudden disappearance.

And everyone meant team Arrow, too.

The first to notice was Felicity. It was on the national news, the reporter trying to keep calm as she talked about it. Felicity called Barry, and he wouldn't talk. He just told her everything was fine.

Then Oliver found out. Rather than calling Barry, though, he went straight to Central City. That's how Dig found out, too.

Oliver pulled up to STAR Labs, silently hoping Barry was ok. They would call if he wasn't, right?

Walking to the cortex, Oliver expected silence. Instead, he overheard an argument going down between Barry and Caitlin. A heated one, at that.

“Barry, if you're eating three meals a day, than you should be looking _better_ , not _worse_!” Caitlin shouted. “Do you know how much you weigh?”

Oliver was confused. Barry had his eating under control, why did it matter now?

“Yes, Caitlin, you've told me _five times_ in the last five minutes! You might as well have it in big black letters across my forehead!” Barry retorted, just as loud.

“Barry, I don't think you _understand_ how much worse you're doing! I might as well force-feed you myself!” She screamed again.

“Like that will help me at all! Caitlin, you're overreacting! Instead of rubbing my problem in my face, you should actually be helping me, not making me want to eat _even less_!” Barry screamed.

The next thing a now very confused Oliver heard was a loud groan from Caitlin and a bunch of loud footsteps headed his way.

Knowing he was about to be found, Oliver crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. Caitlin walked right past him without a second glance.

“What was that about?” He asked, making the doctor stop in her tracks. She quickly turned around to face Oliver.

“What are you doing here? And more importantly, how much of that did you hear?” She asked - well, more demanded.

“Enough. What did Barry mean by his… problem?” Oliver asked, curious. Caitlin just grabbed his arm and led him into the cortex, where Barry was soon found on the treadmill.

The second Caitlin saw that, she ran over as fast as Barry would and turned it off. Barry tripped, but didn't fall, luckily.

“Barry, what the hell! Are you trying to get yourself killed faster?” Caitlin screamed. Barry was about to say something, when he noticed Oliver next to her.

Oliver gaped at how awful Barry looked. His shirt looked about four sizes too big on him, his arms looked even more like twigs, and his cheekbones were slightly sucked in. His hair looked thinner than it ever has been before.

“Oliver, let me-” Barry started, but was cut off by Oliver.

“What happened to you?” Oliver asked, sounding harsher than he should've.

Barry sighed and looked down, almost like he wanted to cry.

“Shit, Barry I didn't mean it like that,” Oliver quickly said.

“I know,” Barry said, before walking up to him. “Come with me.”

The two men walked out of the cortex, and out of STAR Labs in silence. No one said a word until they got to Oliver’s bike.

“Ok, care to tell me what's going on?” Oliver asked. Barry shook his head.

“No matter what I say, I'm going to have to tell you anyway, right?” Barry said.

Oliver’s heart broke a little, hearing that. “I just want to know what's going on with the man who I see as my brother,” he said, causing Barry to look at him. It made his heart swell with joy, hearing that.

Taking a deep breath, Barry begin talking. “I'll tell you, so long as you don't tell Felicity, Dig, or anyone,” Barry said, and Oliver nodded.

“A few… months ago, I heard some of my co-workers say some… things about my eating habits… triggering me, in a way. In those few months, I’ve... lost around forty five pounds,” Barry said, making it as simple as he could. Oliver gasped.

“Do you mean…” he said, not daring finishing his question.

“I've become an anorexic, and everyone just recently found out,” Barry said, almost choking on his words.

“Caitlin said you've been getting worse, not better, though,” Oliver said. Barry winced.

“It's probably my metabolism. I've been eating three normal meals a day,” Barry said. Oliver could see the hidden truth in that, though.

“There's a ‘but’ in there,” he said.

Barry looked down, a tear coming down his face. “I… I've been forcing it back up,” he said, before he started full-on crying. Oliver quickly took him into a hug, letting Barry cry into him.

Oliver wasn't great at advice, but he did know what he was good at. Helping Barry. And something told him the help Barry needed didn't involve food.

* * *

 

 

 

Seeing as it was daytime, Oliver knew everything was still open.

Back at STAR Labs, he blindfolded Barry and had him get on his bike, saying he wanted to take Barry somewhere.

Barry reluctantly agreed, even though he figured it would be some restaurant, or rehab, or something.

He wasn't expecting a science museum.

“I figured you needed to take your mind off things for a bit,” Oliver said, taking the blindfold off. “I won't know what anything means, fair warning.”

Barry just laughed. Joe or Iris would've taken him to Big Belly Burger. This was so much better.

Every exhibit they went to, Oliver would ask a question, remind Barry that he dropped out of four high schools, and Barry would explain himself.

Long story short, Oliver left that museum feeling a lot smarter than school ever made him feel.

“Honestly, Oliver, I want to thank you for taking me there. Anyone else would’ve taken me to a high-calorie restaurant,” Barry said, as they were walking back to Oliver’s bike.

Oliver looked at Barry. Barry’s image was awful, and Oliver knew that saying anything about the thought crossing his mind would make Barry lose lots of respect from Oliver.

“I’m not gonna say I know what you’re going through,” Oliver started, “But I know I shouldn’t try to force you to eat, especially if you’re just going to throw it back up.”

Barry smiled. A real, genuine smile. Not like the fake one he put on for his team. One that said Oliver knew just what to do.

“You know,” Barry said, “The crime rates have gone up quite a bit. We could use help bringing them back down,” he hinted at Oliver.

Oliver looked at Barry one more time as he thought about it.

Roy could always take care of Starling, it would be good training for him, even though he’d have to do it alone. There was no way he was letting Laurel do what he did. Other than that, there wasn’t really anything stopping him from helping Barry out.

“Ok, I’ll do it,” Oliver said.

Barry couldn’t remember the last time he was this happy.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter, just so I could get something out.

_“You eat too much.”_

_“You need to eat more_.”

“Barry.”

_“You’re too thin."_

_“You’re too fat.”_

_“I bet that if you got on a scale, it would say you weigh nothing.”_

“Barry, wake up.”

_“You’re not as good as a hero as Oliver, you’re not a good best friend to Iris.”_

_“You just weigh them down.”_

“Barry!”

Barry woke up in a cold sweat, Iris leaning over him, worried.

“Are you ok? You looked like you were having an intense nightmare,” she asked. Barry was still shaking, his inner voices still haunting him.

He hated it when Iris saw him like this, but right now, he didn’t care.

“Iris, can I have a hug?” Barry shakily asked.

Iris nodded, sitting next to his bony figure and hugging him gently. She felt like if she hugged him too tight, he would snap in half. He was that thin.

“Barry, do you need me to get you anything?” Iris asked.

Barry was hungry, yes, but Joe and Iris kept stuffing him like a thanksgiving turkey, so he just shook his head.

Iris nodded, seeing as it was 3:30 in the morning. He was probably tired, and wanted nothing more than to sleep.

She got up, and patted him on the shoulder. “If you need anything, I’m only three doors down,” she told him.

Barry nodded, and Iris left the room. Barry didn’t want to sleep, though. He couldn’t sleep. He was cold and uncomfortable, hungry, and afraid that if he went back to sleep, his thoughts would haunt him again.

He could always go to Oliver’s, but it was night.

Oliver was most likely awake, but he was also strong on the whole, “Do not use your speed” thing everyone kept preaching to him.

Barry wanted to go out for a walk, but someone could hear him. The last few times he used his speed, he got light headed, or even passed out.

Barry got out of bed and grabbed a blanket. He was wearing a pretty thick sweatshirt, but he still felt cold. Just like he always did.

He snuck downstairs, somehow barely making a sound, and got out the movie Singin’ In The Rain. It was his mother’s favorite movie, and they used to watch it together all the time. Even after she died, he would always feel like she was there with him when she watched it.

Turning it on, Barry sat on the couch, humming along to Gene Kelly, Donald O’Conner, and Debbie Reynolds singing in the beginning.

Barry smiled, but also got a sudden urge to cry. This movie reminded him so much of his mom, and he felt like he had disappointed her. He didn’t know why, he just… did.

Barry laughed at Cosmo’s jokes each time, hoping not to attract attention. He would sing quietly to all the songs, like Make Them Laugh, Moses, Good Morning, and his mom’s favorite, Singin’ in the Rain.

It was times like this when he missed her the most.

About three quarters into the movie, he had to go to the bathroom. Pausing the movie, he made his way to the place he felt he spent half of his time in.

He didn’t end up going to the bathroom, though. He got too absorbed in his figure.

 _What does everyone see that I don’t?_ He wondered.

He took his shirt off, his own reflection staring back at him. Everyone said he looked horrible, but the reality was he still looked too fat. He didn’t even realise he cared about his appearance until Iris mentioned it.

His ribs protruded from his skin, only slightly more than last time. Same goes with his spine.

Barry didn’t understand why everyone said he was too freakishly skinny, he was perfectly fine. He could even lose a few more pounds, especially since he had no idea what he weighed.

People always treated him like he was either going to snap in half, or like he was a thanksgiving turkey. He was tired of it.

He walked out of the bathroom, completely forgetting what he went in there for in the first place.

He sat on the couch and unpaused the movie, falling asleep right after.

\-----

Joe walked downstairs the next morning to find Barry passed out on the couch. He smiled. Barry hasn’t gotten a good amount of sleep in God knows how long.

Knowing Barry wouldn’t want too much breakfast, he made him some pancakes and texted Iris, even though she was just upstairs, to make sure he ate it all.

Leaving, he took one more look at Barry. The kid looked so much worse than when they found out.

 _That’s not right,_ Joe thought. If anything, he should be looking _better_.

So why wasn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guys tell what my favorite musical is? 
> 
> Also, if you're a fan of more than one of my stories, or all of them, please go take a look at my profile. It has some notifications for you guys concerning my update schedule and other stories that may be going on hold.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I’m so sorry for the wait, don’t hurt me

Barry looked at the pancakes in front of him. Sure, there were only three, but that was the problem.

 _There were three_.

Barry poked the top one with a fork, and played with the butter on top of it, before putting the fork back down.

“I have to eat all of this?” He asked, looking at Iris, who had five in front of her.

“Yes, Barry, you should. I want you to get better, and you won’t get better if you don’t eat,” she said.

Barry sighed. “You’re going to stay with me until I finish them?” Barry asked, and Iris nodded her head.

“Great,” he sighed, looking back down at his pancakes. He poked the pancakes with the fork one more time before pushing it back.

“I’m not hungry,” he decided, and Iris shook her head.

“Barry, you say you’ve been getting better, and I’ve seen you start to eat better, but you’ve been looking _worse_ ,” she said, concerned.

Barry’s eyes widened. She hasn’t caught on, has she?

“Really? I think I’ve been looking better,” he said, and it was true, in a way. He’s been getting thinner, losing a few more pounds, it was _amazing_.

Iris’ eyes widened. “Really, Barry? Because you’ve got even less meat on you than I thought was humanly possible,” she said, and covered her mouth. “Shit, Barry, I’m sorry,” she said,and Barry looked down.

“I know I don’t look perfect to you,” he said, “but you don’t need to point every little thing about me out,” he finished, hurt in his voice. He stood up and walked upstairs to his room. Work could wait til tomorrow, he wasn’t in the mood anymore. Why did Iris have to say that? Why did she have to insult the body he worked so hard to get?

Barry looked down at his body. _Worthless. Ugly. Fat._

He took his shirt off and put a hand on his stomach. Why was he like this? In the world, there was two types of people that were accepted: The muscular, and the fit. Barry wasn’t either of them, he was just a sad, fat excuse for a superhero. Not even a superhero, when was the last time he was out on Flash duty?

He pinched some of his stomach, there wasn’t much fat, but to Barry, there was too much. And if he wanted to fit in, he had to lose _all_ his fat.

A tear slid down his face. Why didn’t anybody understand? They all wanted him to eat, to be “healthy” again, but he just _couldn’t_. It just couldn’t happen. He’s worked too hard on losing weight. Sure, that wasn’t the case, but slowly, it became a big deal for him, and now, if he gained back the weight he lost, he didn’t know what he’d do with himself.

Barry jumped into his bed, as more tears slid down his face. He thought he was looking better, why couldn’t he just be _good_ enough for Iris? For Joe?

As he fell asleep, all he thought about was how nice it’d be when he finally would look good to them.

\-----

“Dad, he didn’t even _try_ to eat the food,” Iris said to her dad over the phone. She didn’t know what to do, and she felt incredibly bad for what she told Barry earlier. She tried to apologize to him, but he was already asleep by the time she went up to his room.

Joe sighed. “Iris, you know that even though he’s getting better, he’s going to have days where just can’t eat,” he said with a heavy voice.

“But the thing is, I don’t think he’s getting better, dad,” Iris said, with concern lacing her voice. “I don’t know if you noticed or not, but he somehow looks _thinner_ than he did a week ago. I _know_ that he’s been eating, but something just doesn’t feel… _right_ ,” she tried to explain.

Joe stayed silent for a moment, before saying, “You’re right. He’s getting worse, but it’s only a step back. It doesn’t mean he can’t still get better.”

Iris didn’t know what to say to that. It was great that Joe still had hope, but… well, when you’re best friend looks more like an actual skeleton each day, it’s hard to hold on to that hope.

“Singh gave me a paper today, one giving Barry an official medical leave. He said it wasn’t legally right for him to give me it, but Barry hasn’t given him one, nor have I, and he didn’t want Barry’s life at risk because he won’t stop working,” Joe sighed. “He was going to come in today, and now he can’t. I don’t know what to tell him, this will _crush_ him, Iris,” he said, and he wasn’t lying. He was afraid of what might happen if he told Barry.

When Barry finds out he’s on medical leave, it could go two ways. Barry could become determined to get better so he could go back to work, or he could give up entirely and keep going until he just… deteriorated into nothing.

Iris closed her eyes. She knew Singh was going to put him on break one way or another, but she didn’t want to be there when it happened. “Well, I don’t want to be there when you tell him,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. It sort of worked, she heard a laugh come from the other side of the line. “You’re funny, Iris. You’ll be there when I tell him,” he said, and Iris groaned.

“Seriously, dad?” She asked, and Joe chuckled. “Yes, Iris, and if you’d excuse me, I have a job Iris looked at her phone. “Great,” she muttered, before putting it down and turning on the TV.

\-----

Barry felt dizzy. He woke up with an incredible headache, and when he tried to get up, the world started spinning. He tried calling out for help, but he couldn’t find his voice. He laid back down, trying to focus on getting the world back _in_ focus, rather than the inevitable passing out he would do if he got up.

Barry took a deep breath. He could feel himself start to calm down, and he tried to get up more slowly. This time wasn’t as bad, but that didn’t mean it was good either. He slowly hoisted himself off the bed, placing his feet slowly on the floor. He slowly walked to the door, and opened it.

About two steps out the door, Barry felt himself get dizzy again. He hoisted himself on the wall, screwing his eyes shut. Maybe he should’ve not purged, just /once. Not that he’ll actually do that, people will start to call him fat again.

Barry opened his eyes, and tried to make it to the stairs. He felt like the world was spinning, and felt like if he moved any more, he would fall down the stairs.

He needed food. Now.

Barry regained himself once more, before slowly moving down the steps. He saw Iris sitting on the couch, and he wanted to scream for help. Only problem was, he couldn’t quite find any words.

Barry made down a couple more steps, after he got dizzy yet again, but this time, it didn’t feel like it was going to stop. Barry was going to pass out, he just knew it.

 _One more step_ , he thought to himself. He placed his foot on said step, and that’s when the world went black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I’ve got all but the last chapter written, which is where I need some help. I think I know what I want to do with the ending, but just in case, should I kill of Barry? I mean at this point, I think it would be easiest and I don’t want this story to go on too much longer, but I want your guys’ opinions


	13. Chapter 13

_Thud_.

Iris didn’t know what happened, it was all a big blur. One second she was watching Riverdale, the next she was by an unconscious Barry with her phone to her ear.

“C’mon, Caitlin, pick up,” Iris quietly pleaded as she checked Barry’s breathing, which was too light for her liking. She put two fingers up to his neck, and, his pulse felt like it was barely there.

She had never been more terrified for her best friend in her life.

” _Hello? Iris? Is everyth-”_

“Caitlin, Barry passed out, he’s barely breathing and his pulse is too weak,” Iris said in a panic. She heard shuffling on the other line, then Caitlin asking, “Has he shown any signs of passing out recently?”

Iris thought about it. “Me and my dad thinks he’s getting worse instead of better, and he looks like he’s been getting thinner and… _oh my god,_ ” Iris nearly dropped her phone.

Barry eats, but he isn’t regaining his weight. He goes to the bathroom after every meal, which can only mean…

“Caitlin, I think he’s been throwing up his food… on purpose,” Iris quickly said, tears threatening to fall down her face.

She could hear a car door slamming, and an engine start. “ _He’s been…_ what _? Iris, this is serious, he could_ die,” Caitlin practically shouted.

“I know that, Caitlin! You think I haven’t thought of all the possibilities? Lately, him dying seems more and more realistic each day!” Iris shouted through the phone, tears spilling out of her eyes at this point. She let out a sob, and all of a sudden, she couldn’t stop crying.

“ _Iris, Iris Barry will be fine, ok? We’ll get him fixed, get him the proper nutrition, and-_ ”

“What if he doesn’t want to get better? He wouldn’t be where he was today, he would actually /talk to us,” Iris interrupted, sobbing a bit louder now.

“I can’t lose him, Cait,” Iris said softly, leaning her head into Barry’s chest. About a minute later, Caitlin rushed through the doors and helped Iris up, and the two managed to get Barry into the van without trouble.

“Iris, I need you to drive while I check him over,” Caitlin said, as she got Barry settled into the van. Iris nodded, and grabbed the keys Caitlin offered her. She went to the front of the car and started it, not sure how well she’d actually drive in this state.

In the back, Caitlin got out the portable heart monitor she kept in the van, and an oxygen mask as well. It was a manual one, though, so she spent the majority of the car ride practically breathing for Barry as she monitored his heart rhythm.

“Iris, his heartbeat’s getting weaker, are we almost there?” Caitlin asked, when his vitals began to change. She could feel the van begin to speed up, and Iris said, “About two more minutes.”

Caitlin looked at Barry, and whispered, “Please, Barry, don’t do this to us.”

\-----

It took about an hour of IV bag after IV bag, close calls after close calls, for Barry to be completely stabilised again. Well, not completely, but still, better than he was.

Caitlin, Iris, and Joe, who had since joined them (the phone call was very hard to make), stared stared him in awe. Barry looked a lot like he did when he was in the coma, but this time it was much, _much_ worse. He practically had no meat on him, if he had any at all. His ribcage was so prominent, and his stomach was so sunken in, it was actually scary. You could almost see his organs, it was so bad. His cheeks were also extremely sunken in, it was scary.

He also looked like he hasn’t slept in days, and his hair was so… so _thin_ , it was nearly unreal. All three of them found themselves crying at Barry’s expense.

For hours, they waited for Barry to wake up. Caitlin all but forced Iris and Joe to leave for a bit, and she signed the medical paper Singh gave Joe to provide a proper excuse.

Iris reluctantly went with Joe, although she didn’t want to leave Barry’s side. What if he didn’t ever wake up? What if he woke up while they were out?

Once they got into the car, Iris practically broke down in tears, for the umpteenth time that day. Joe, who’s been trying to stay strong for his kids, was barely keeping it together. One of his kids was possibly on the brink of death, and what could he do about it? Well, right now, he was running when he should be by his son’s side.

The duo drove to the precinct in silence, each second of said silence spent wishing they were with Barry. They both felt guilty, for not noticing this sooner and for him being where he was now.

When Joe pulled up to the precinct, he opened the door, to hear the uncomfortable silence broken by Iris.

“Dad, I think I’ll just stay in here,” she said, and Joe nodded, putting the keys in the ignition and turning the car back on. He didn’t want his only daughter dying of heat stroke, not when one of his son’s was basically trying to kill himself.

He walked into the precinct with the paper’s in his hand, ignoring all concerned looks from nearby officers. He knocked on Singh’s door, and waited. About two seconds later, he opened it, and asked, “West, is everything ok? You left kind of… abruptly there,” and Joe shook his head.

“Can we talk in your office? And, I have Barry’s medical papers,” he said quietly, and Singh’s expression softened. “Come in,” he said, and Joe went in, not saying anything else.

“Is everything ok? Is Barry ok?” Singh asked, once the door was shut. Joe shook his head. “No… no captain, he’s not,” he said, clearly holding back tears. David sat next to him, and put his arm around Joe.

“Do you want to talk about it? I can’t give you any advice, but I can sure as hell listen. Barry’s more than my best CSI, he’s like my son. There’s nothing more that I want than for him to be ok, Joe,” he said, honestly, and he meant it. It hurt everytime he heard about Barry’s condition, let alone see it in person.

Joe sighed. “Apparently, Barry’s been… _throwing up_ behind our backs every time we got him to eat. We…” he bit back a sob. “We thought he was getting better, that he was getting over his anorexia, but I guess we just gave him bulimia instead,” Joe put his head in his hands, and Singh rubbed his back, not saying anything. “He… he passed out about two hours after I came in today, and according to his doctor, he almost died nearly ten times, and the last thing he would remember about me was how I didn’t want him coming in today,” At this, Joe finally gave in, sobbing into his hands. David pulled Joe into a side hug. “I’m… oh my god, Joe, I’m so sorry,” he said, holding his own tears in. He honestly didn’t know what to say to that. “Take as much time as you need, Barry needs you much more than I do right now,” he said, and Joe looked up at him.

“Thank you, sir,” he said shakily, and David gave him a small smile. “Just keep me updated on his condition, alright?” he asked, and Joe nodded.

“You are dismissed, Joe,” David said, before adding, “Tell Barry we miss him here, it’s been too quiet,” and Joe gave him a tight smile. “Thank you again, sir,” he said, before leaving David alone. David just stayed where he was for a good minute, before he all but swiped the papers off his desk. He then grabbed a chair and hit it more times then he could count, before leaning his head into the chair and crying. This wasn’t supposed to happen, not to Barry. How old is he? 27, 28? Far too young to die, it just wasn’t fair.

And he could’ve done something about it too, he _knew_ those cops were talking about his food intake. Sure, he threatened to fire them, but they were empty threats. Why didn’t he just suck it up and fire them before? Barry wouldn’t be in this position, maybe a little insecure, but not here.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. “Captain, are you ok?” One of the officers asked, and David wiped away his tears roughly, before opening the door. “I’m fine, don’t you have a case to do?” he asked harshly, and not exactly regretting it. The officer nodded, and, muttering a quick apology, he slowly shut the door and left. David sighed, and looked at his office. It was a mess. He sighed again, before moving to clean it up. Hey, it was a good distraction, right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, now I don’t know what to do. I intended to kill off Barry, but no one wants that, and I’m a people pleaser, so instead of doing homework I’ve been trying to figure out what to do for the ending of this oops. I may do an alternate ending, like I did for Legs (glances at the unfinished alternate ending that won’t be finished anytime soon)
> 
> Also, I was thinking of doing another hurt!barry fic, but I’m trying to figure out what to do? Should I do another self harm fic, or what? You guys should give me ideas.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and Kudos please :)


End file.
